It's an interesting discussion every time it comes up: what can we do to stop rape?
Men have come up with all sorts of responses:
- Don't walk in dark alleys late at night.
- Don't wear revealing clothing.
- Don't get drunk when you're out with your friends.
- Carry a rape whistle and blow it if you're about to be attacked.
Some of them are patently ridiculous, but all of them have one thing in common: the responsibility rests on the victim to avoid being raped, rather than placing the blame where it lies: with men.
Men are the problem.
I've made this argument before — men pose the number one risk to the safety of women.
Men kill more women than literally every other thing. I'm pretty sure, if you're a woman, you're more likely to die at the hands of a man than from heart disease or cancer.
As a man, how revealing my clothing is, how drunk I get, or where I walk at night never forms part of my thought process. The idea of being raped is so foreign to me that it never becomes a threat to me.
And while I pose a greater risk to women than dying in a car crash, why do I feel I have any say over the policing of women's bodies? Why do I get to dictate the rules around avoiding rape?
I came across something a few years back which really resonated with me.
These are far more practical tips to avoid rape.
Because it's men. It's me. I'm the problem. Men are the ones committing rape, so it's our responsibility as men to avoid raping people.
Men need to realise it's up to us to stop rape.
If you're hanging around with men who trivialise rape, sexual assault, violence against women, and you do nothing to discourage this behaviour, then you need to look in the mirror and recognise your complicity in these crimes.
Men, we are the problem.
Rapists and abusers are propped up and protected by intricate systems of patronage that uphold their privilege. They are men with power, and rape and sexual assault are acts of asserting power over others.
We, the men who jump up and down and scream "not ALL men" but do nothing to end the cycle of violence by raising better men, being better men, and holding each other to account, are wasting our breath.
We change our perception of rape victims and victims of assault and abuse by calling them "survivors". That's a start to changing the mindset, but the overarching accountability and responsibility for the action must be on the perpetrator.
It's the rapist who needs to stop raping, not the victim or survivor who should avoid being raped.
It's the men around the rapist and the abuser protecting him who allow him to continue his abuse.
It's us, as men, who are responsible for stopping rape.
It's the easiest tip to avoid rape — men need to stop raping.
* Lance Witten is the Editor of IOL.