QUESTION: I am 64 this year and haunted by the thought that I’ve never had great sex. The only person I have slept with is my ex-husband. We had a nice, if unadventurous, sex life for 24 years before things faded and we divorced. As the years pass, I am increasingly aware that I have never experienced sexual ecstasy and almost certainly never will. How do I come to terms with this?
ANSWER: One of the curses of modern life is the widespread notion that everyone else is having red-hot coitus every minute of every day, while you are sexuality’s Cinderella: the only person not asked to the Erotic Ball.
But in many people’s eyes you hit the bedroom jackpot, and some would kill to enjoy 24 years of contented marital sex and to have such a wealth of experience in making a long-term relationship work.
It’s relatively easy to have sex with a stranger, and hard - though infinitely rewarding - to give and take pleasure with someone you’ve known a long time.
Yes, the sexual side of your relationship eventually petered out, but don’t dismiss what you achieved. Why dwell on what could have been, when there’s the wide horizon of the future ahead of you?
In today’s terms (when the average life span for women stretches into the 80s) there’s plenty of time to rewrite the script.
It is not uncommon for women in their 60s to date younger men, to have several boyfriends or even decide to explore a relationship with a woman.
It is also fine to decide you don’t wish to have sex again; but that should be a positive decision, taken out of the desire to pursue other pastimes - not out of despair.
I was talking to a friend’s mother recently who declared she’d had the most sensual and fulfilling sex of her life in her 60s, following two divorces and despite a sense that the days of wine and roses would not come again.
Her daughter nagged her into trying online dating sites and within a year she had met the man she now describes as ‘the love of my life’.
She says it’s remarkable how profound lovemaking feels when you’re not side-lining the experience because of worries over careers and parenthood, or being anxious you will get pregnant.
Don’t waste time. Ask your friends to invite you to dinner with likely bachelors and prepare a nifty profile for some internet dating.
Look at all the sexy 60-somethings around you, be they Helen Mirren or Meryl Streep, and take a tip from their style book - copy the glint in their eye.
The woman who looks like she’s ready for adventure usually stumbles across a few. - Daily Mail