QUESTION: Shortly after our wedding, I found out that my second husband was impotent - I was devastated.
But, after five years, I found there was more to marriage than sex and it’s made our union stronger. Now, he’s announced he has a prescription for Viagra - but I’m dreading the thought of making love. What should I do?
ANSWER: What strikes me isn’t so much your husband’s issues with erectile dysfunction, but his penchant for withholding vital information.
You clearly didn’t know about his inability to have sex when you married him, yet he must have had some inkling that he had problems in this area.
A scrupulous man would have talked it through before tying the knot. Now, he’s shocked you again by getting a prescription for Viagra without you knowing. Again, as this concerns both of you, why didn’t he consult you?
I appreciate embarrassment may be the main reason behind his apparent thoughtlessness.
The NHS estimates that half of all men between 40 and 70 will experience erectile dysfunction, but it’s not a subject many feel able to discuss easily. This is a sad state of affairs. Most women I know would happily support a partner in such a predicament.
But it’s almost impossible to help someone if they refuse to admit there’s a problem.
You have shown strength of character, patience and kindness in accommodating your spouse’s impotence and shutting down your sex drive. But you can’t be expected to turn desire on and off like a switch.
Explain this to your husband. I would want to know why he’s decided to pursue a remedy now, rather than five years ago.
He needs to understand how hard it is going to be for you to find the way back to being a sexual being. If you were able to make adjustments for him, he can make them for you, too.
Daily Mail