THE GUYS
Joe, 32, Johannesburg
“I lost my virginity in the first month of my first year of technikon. I had only kissed a girl for the first time the year before. I had just turned 18. She was 20, way more experienced.
Basically, she led me to the ladies’ bathroom on campus and took my virginity there.
I don’t really think I chose to do anything. I was swept along by the force of her personality.
It was rather exciting doing it with other people in such close proximity, but for the most part I was incredibly tense. I can vividly recall my heart pounding.
Neither of us was satisfied by the experience, and I was gutted by that. It became a bit of an obsession, to make sure my partner enjoyed it. I started to rate every sexual act by that one detail. I’m not sure if I’m over it just yet. I can’t resist take-charge women either.
Afterwards, we had a passionate six-month affair. The sex got a lot better, and a whole lot more daring. It was pretty high-octane stuff – destined to implode rather than burn out.
George, 34, Orange Grove
I was 14, she was 21. We were at a pool party. When she got out of the pool, she was wearing a white full body swimsuit. Like the other guys, I sat up and took notice – she was hot.
I had met her before, so we chatted for a while before she invited me to our friend’s room.
We started kissing and then groping each other wildly. She peeled off her clothes and I went with the flow. She was very aggressive. It was great.
I had the good sense to wear a condom.
I just remember how overeager I was. I went on till the next morning. It was an awesome experience. For all the bad publicity that porn gets, it was the greatest help for me in anatomy lessons.
AK, 30, Johannesburg
I was 16 years old and at boarding school. My girlfriend was a year older. We’d been sitting in the bushes near the school’s soccer grounds, watching others play.
As soon as I realised they were gone, I initiated it. I’d been under pressure from my friends, who always asked me if we had had sex. I was tired of lying and couldn’t give them any details when they asked me about the experience. So I decided this was the day. I wanted to end my drought.
We kissed for a while, but no foreplay – there wasn’t time. She still lived at home and it was getting late. I told her what we were going to do. The only thing she said was to ask if she could take only her underwear off in case someone caught us.
I was aroused as soon as she told me she’d take off her underwear.
During the act, the only words I remember coming out of my mouth were, “Please, don’t move”.
Hardly five minutes later, I felt like I was losing my balance. I had no idea what was happening to me, but it felt good.
Before I could recover, she pushed me off her. I wasn’t sure if she was upset with me. I asked what was wrong but she didn’t reply. It was awkward walking her home without us talking. In fact, I was scared.
I wouldn’t say that moment was the best for me. It just had to happen because my friends were on my back. The moment itself, though, changed my attitude to sex, which until then had been “It’s not a big deal”. It made me want to experiment more.
Sam, 24, West Rand
I was 16 years old when I lost my virginity to a girl two years older – a friend at school called Lana. We’d talk about all sorts of things, especially sex. She’d often tell me about the naughty encounters she had enjoyed, and how great it was.
During exams, Lana suggested we study at her house as her parents were away for the afternoon. While we were relaxing on her couch, Lana suggested we ditch the books. Instead she was going to teach me a thing or two. From her body language, I knew exactly what she was talking about.
A million thoughts went through my head. Did I want to lose my virginity to my friend? What if I was horrible?
Lana began undressing. I was so excited – nervous, a little scared but mostly really excited.
Because of my inexperience, it didn’t last very long but it was incredible, the most pleasure I’ve ever had in a short few minutes. It was something I’ll never forget.
Finally I had a sex story of my own. It felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders.
THE GIRLS
Ginger, 38, Kensington
“He was a handsome fella. I found him at The Doors nightclub during the matric holidays. He stood on my toe. I complained. He kissed it better. So charming.
I was 18, he was 19. He was my first. I was his first, too. He didn’t tell me that – his brother did. I was happy to hear that. It felt right. I then also understood why there hadn’t been much pleasure in it for me.
I felt it was high time I joined the club, and he was very good looking.
It was all arranged. I was living with my mother and he came to visit one afternoon. He was well prepared with prophylactics.
I was nervous. I had never undressed in front of a guy before and felt very self-conscious. My heart was thumping like a drum, but I was trying to appear cool.
I’d been fooling around for years, but I’d never felt the need to go all the way. Also, I think I had been holding back for “the one”.
We went into my room and did it on the bed. It was no fun for me. It hurt. While we were doing it, all I was thinking was: “When will this be finished?”
Afterwards we went for a swim. I felt very awkward, but he was quite attentive. He wanted to know if it hurt.
I broke up with him a few weeks later and told him it was because I didn’t love him. In some ways I felt less special, but in other ways it was an introduction to being an adult. The timing was perfectly right for me too. I’m glad I waited till I’d finished school.
Lerato, 25, Bedfordview
I did it with my high school sweetheart of four years, Sbusiso. We were both in Grade 12. We did it at his mother’s house, in his bedroom. This was after I had refused for nine months to have sex with him.
It was all very unsettling. I kept looking at his face and refused to look down. And I was praying that he wasn’t looking down at me, just in case he got turned off.
Later, he did most of the talking, telling me that he loved me and that it was good. I was sitting down, crying and trying to cover myself.
Afterwards, I couldn’t look at his friends because I knew he had probably told them every detail and they had talked about it.
It got better though, and it was fun. We dated for three more years until he found someone else.
Sarah, 30, Germiston
We were both in Standard Nine. I was 17. I had come within inches of doing it more than a dozen times, but I’d always been too chicken to go through with it. I was one of those girls who flirted like crazy but gave away nothing.
I’d just finished a tough higher grade biology exam. I was terrified that I had screwed up my answer on the process of photosynthesis. I was in need of consolation.
We arrived at his house. We were alone. His room was clean and I teased him about it. We talked and giggled a bit. And then we started fooling around. And then it happened.
The excruciating pain hit me like punch in the face. I looked up at the mould stained ceiling, grimaced, and thought: “Is this it? Really?”.
I got used to the unfamiliar pain, but I wanted it to stop. Finally, it did.
For me, there was no explosion, no burst of ecstasy. I went home feeling sore, with the prospect of having to finish household chores before my parents came home from work.
After that, I didn’t want to have sex for a very long time. I told him: “Why must I do it if it wasn’t lekker for me?”
And then the experimenting started, and it got a bit better.
The relationship didn’t last very long. It had been my “Oh my God, I love you” moment, and then I heard he was sleeping with other girls in the school. I was heartbroken.
Gabby 26, Randburg
The first time I had sex was about seven weeks ago, a day after marrying the love of my life. Sex before marriage had been taboo for me. It was against my moral standards and, besides, I had never really felt the desire.
We had been in a long-distance relationship for three years, but I had put in place rules to keep sex from entering my mind or my body, such as no kissing sessions lying down. As you can imagine, my boyfriend was frustrated.
For weeks before my wedding day, I was consumed with fear. I had heard the horror stories from some friends about their first time
On our wedding day, my husband was filled with excitement for what was to follow.
But, after the long, emotionally draining day, we were both exhausted. We had agreed that we would hold no expectations for that evening, and whatever was to be would be.
Our first act as a married couple was to have a bath together. Sitting in the tub, I giggled like a little girl.
Later I dressed in pyjamas and got into bed. Despite feeling tired, my curiosity kept me tossing and turning before I turned to my husband and blurted out, “Do you want to have sex?”
He didn’t need a second invitation. We indulged in a little foreplay and then it began. It felt like he was banging on a closed door. To our dismay, it was not to be that night.
The next morning, we woke up really early, brushed our teeth and got ready for our second try. Despite my previous fears, I was excited at the thought of making love. I loved and trusted him completely.
It took about an hour for it to finally happen. The pain was scarcely a factor. It was overpowered by pleasure. I felt alive inside, as if something had switched off my inhibitions. - The Star