QUESTION: I’m getting married for the second time at the age of 60 and enjoy a great sex life - with just one caveat.
My man likes to make love with the lights on, but I’ve got to a stage in life where I only feel carefree in the dark. There’s nothing sexy about knowing he can see my ageing body and cellulite. Why doesn’t he understand this?
ANSWER: You clearly feel your fiance is being insensitive, but isn’t it equally possible that you are not in tune to his needs?
Men tend to be a little more focused than women on visual gratification when it comes to sex.
If looking at your naked body and witnessing your response to his love-making is a core part of your partner’s pleasure, he’ll find it frustrating that you want to limit his gaze. You may feel your body is no longer worthy of worship, but your other half clearly disagrees.
Don’t forget that when you are in love with someone, you often see physical imperfections as part of their allure.
Can’t you talk to him about this issue? He probably doesn’t understand how exposed you feel, nor realise that it’s his job to put you at ease.
Many men fail to express aloud their admiration for their partners’ bodies as they think that appreciation is implicit.
And, let’s face it, many middle-aged British men find it difficult to deliver a good compliment.
As a compromise, how about dividing your love-life between the under-duvet world and the lamp-lit one?
If you don’t feel able to experiment, so many sensual options will be closed to you. How will you ever make love in the mornings, for example?
Sixty is too young to begin limiting your erotic horizons.
No one should ever be pushed beyond their comfort zones - but it’s as well to check where those boundaries really lie.
Daily Mail