QUESTION: I’ve started dating again in my 50s after my long-term relationship failed and have been seeing a man who suits me well - except for his constant mentioning of the sexual prowess of his former girlfriends while we’re in bed together.
What should I do?
ANSWER: It’s a gross breach of sexual etiquette to talk about the intimate habits of exes while in bed with your partner.
A wise person would know that the laws that governed past relationships have little bearing on a new one.
The key issue in your scenario is to discern why your other half is harping on about the past. Is he trying to intimidate you with tales of previous partners?
If so, do you want someone that manipulative in your life? Nothing will make a woman feel less orgasmic than being told about a former lover and feeling as if you are in competition.
Anyone who tries to maintain control in their love-life by making their other half feel inadequate is to be avoided at all costs.
However, you say that this man suits you well in other ways, so I’m presuming he’s not the kind of person who normally goes out of his way to be hurtful. Is it possible he lacks self-esteem and is attempting to bolster his image as a lover with tall, highly sexualised tales of conquests?
If this is the case, at least you would be able to see that it’s his problem - not yours.
There is one obvious course of action to try. Start talking about the love gods you have dated in the past. He should get the point quickly enough.
If the penny still doesn’t drop, sit him down and tell him you don’t appreciate him bringing his exes to bed with you.
The curious thing here is how a man can get to his 50s without realising that the most effective path to erotic bliss is by making your lover feel confident in bed, rather than a B-grade student who “could do better”.
Daily Mail