London - A recent Durex Embrace survey reveals that two thirds of couples feel starved of affection and a quarter of couples can go days without touching.
Sex expert Susan Quilliam answers some questions about the importance of touch:
Why are couples letting their relationship slip for the sake of television?
“The Durex Embrace survey discovered that couples love each other very much. The survey also showed that we lead very busy lives which often results in couples feeling tired in the evening.
“We want to touch our partner more with 81 percent of the couples saying that touch was vital for them, however evenings often end up on the sofa in front of the television. Every couple said that it wasn't what they necessarily wanted to do, but after getting in late, wanting to do things with the kids and having a lot on they often ended up on the sofa in front of the television.”
Why is touch vital in a relationship?
“Touch is vital for a lot of reasons. On a physiological level it releases hormones such as oxytocin that make us feel relaxed and close. When we touch each other it is a sign of love. Paying each other attention, offering comfort, security and soothing each other says 'look I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying. Touch helps to build a strong bond which help us to cope with the pressures of everyday life even if we get a bit stroppy with each other so it's not just that it builds good feelings, but helps us to ride out bad feeling.”
How can it have that feel good factor, help self-esteem and feeling of attractiveness?
“Touch does all these things; it makes us feel good about ourselves. The survey along with other scientific research demonstrates that if you are touched it makes you feel more attractive. The statistics in the survey prove that women feel more beautiful and feel better about themselves when their partner touches them. If we feel attractive we can go out into the world with higher self-esteem.”
Why don't couples cuddle up to watch TV but instead sit at opposite ends of the sofa?
“Sitting at opposite ends of the sofa can easily become a habit. It isn't deliberate, it just becomes a habit and is quite hard to break. All of the survey results suggest that we want to break that habit as we want to be closer to our partner. Sitting on opposite ends of the sofa is just something we get into the habit of doing.
“Some of it is down to children being around in the early evening so you don't snuggle up together as a couple or if you snuggle it's with the kids. Even if you don't have kids, you can easily end up at opposite ends of the sofa as maybe you are doing something like reading a book or you are just not together in the early part of the evening.”
Why is it that people feel more comfortable talking to each other over text and Facebook than face to face?
“We are not sure that couples feel more comfortable texting each other than speaking face to face - it goes back to the busy lifestyles that many of us lead. We may not be living together, or if we are living together we are working so we text, email or Facebook each other to keep in touch. It's a lot more convenient, and it's not that we would rather do that it's just that we are so busy and it's a good way to keep in touch. All the survey results suggest that we don't want to just communicate that way but it's just what we end up doing so because of the way life is today.”
Surprisingly it is men who are willing to show more affection than women at the end of the day?
“It's really interesting. Very often women get their affection through talking and men get their affection through touching. Our survey results say that touch is important for women, however men find it easier to make that leap and say 'oh come on let's have cuddle'. There is a gender divide, often it's physiological and is just the way we are programmed. Women do like touch it's just that men are a bit more proactive to reach out and have a hug and a kiss.”
How can people reintroduce touch to their day-to-day interactions?
“There are lots of ways; firstly a kiss hello and goodbye. If you just pop into the kitchen and say 'I'm off' and give each other a quick hug. If you are at home, move close. If you are on the sofa then why not shuffle up to your partner for a cuddle. If you are passing each other, or if you are cooking and one if you is passing by just give each other a little cuddle, snuggle or a kiss .
“If you're out together there is no reason why you shouldn't touch, hold hands while you are walking down the street or when you are in a restaurant across the table. Very often when you are in the car one of you might put your hand on the other's knee just to have that connection or be in contact.”
“I encourage the couples to throw out the pyjamas and the nighties and sleep naked. You will naturally come together during the night and start snuggling. Whether or not you have sex you will wake up in each other's arms.”
“Make time each week to have a massage even if it's just five minutes, it doesn't have to be hours and hours. Just five minutes of touching each other and kissing each other and if one of you feels like sex just start kissing. If the mood goes away that is fine but very often if one of you feels like sex and your start kissing it will get you into wanting to go a bit further.”
Female First