QUESTION: I recently turned 50, and on my birthday my husband mentioned spicing up our sex life, even going as far as to say we should look online for tips.
Does this imply he thinks our love life is boring?
ANSWER: It’s not the most tactful or tasteful thing to say on your birthday, but nor is it necessarily laden with the insults you suspect.
It’s quite possible he meant it as a celebration: some sort of “your sex life begins at 50!” suggestion. From the frisky optimist’s point of view, it’s better to have a husband who suggests erotic experimentation than one whose birthday gift for you is a thermal nightie.
But he surely doesn’t realise the fine line between bolstering confidence and suggesting a deep-rooted problem.
I can see even the warmest interpretation of the suggestion could leave a whiff of “must try harder” in its wake. While that’s maddening, perhaps it’s also a reminder to examine the bedroom status quo. What long-married man or woman doesn’t need an occasional nudge so that bedroom preferences don’t settle into routines?
Few of us are the same at 50 as we were at 25. Just as cider lovers become devotees of wine, so shy lovers can become bold explorers. Perhaps there’s something wonderful about using your birthday as an excuse to fulfil a secret fantasy?
The only way you’ll find out is to ask him, and even if your fears are justified, it’s better to broach the subject than not.
Most of us have to take conscious steps in our relationship to keep it fresh. It takes two to tango - and two to have switched to a sluggish waltz.
Daily Mail